Papers for the Bees!

Clementines.  Seedless.  These two words should be paired by all reasonable deduction.  However there are instances when upon opening a cute little clementine, expecting to experience a delightful citrusy taste fiesta, I have found something less than delightful.  Seeds.  That’s right, this citrus fruit which is marketed as being seedless often contains seeds.  So instead of eating my fruit effortlessly, it becomes a battle of trying to remove the seeds without annihilating the little fruit wedges.  Unless I am fully committed and use a knife and a plate to remove said seeds, it usually doesn’t end well: sticky, orangey hands, smushed up clementine pieces, and frustration to boot. 

“How does such an atrocity occur?” you may be asking yourself.  Well, I have the answer.

Rogue Bees.

That’s right, I said it.  As each year passes and more generations of clementine trees come to be, the cross-pollination with other fruit trees, such as tangerines, causes the seeds to sneak into clementines.  It is not the farmers who are at fault here.  These bees go where they want and do what they want.  It is my opinion that the bees are trying to get back at us.  There has been a buzz for the last several years about the waning bee population, and there are a few theories as to why this is.  Some say it is habitat destruction.  With more and more of the natural landscape being taken over by shopping centers and parking lots, there are fewer places that bees are able nest.  (Do bees nest?  What is the proper verb here?)  Another theory states that the radio waves emanating from our cell phone towers and other such devices are causing the bees to be confused.  Confused?  I think not.  That is what the bees want you to think.  However, they are dangerous, scheming little guys who dress in yellow and black.  They are so bold that they don’t even try to camouflage themselves.  They say “I’m a bad ass bee, and I don’t care who knows it.” 

So apart from the swarms of angry bees driving anyone who dares to pester them into the nearest body of water, they have limited avenues through which they are able to seek their revenge.  They are sticking it to us where we least expect it: in the clementines.  So next time you open your clementine to find some rogue bee is trying to destroy your delicious care-free snacking experience, remember.  They are out to get us.  I believe the best way to ensure our national security against the bees is to make them carry papers.  Bee papers.  Then we will be able to track them and monitor their activities.  No more sneaky bees I say!  The road to civilian safety is paved with the monitoring and controlling of the unknown.  Just ask Arizona.